Anticipatory Anxiety

AKA: Adventures in the Drive Through

Breathe in, 2,3,4. Breathe out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. And repeat. 

My anxiety is high on this election day eve. The election result matters to me. I have my leanings and have already voted according to them. I want my candidate to win, but my anxiety is more focused on what happens next… whoever wins. “Civil war” and “Locked and loaded.” I’ve heard these and words like them spoken with a terrifying conviction, as if an uprising is inevitable. Maybe it is. I don’t know. God, I hope not.

I don’t pretend to have any power or influence over anyone. I can’t persuade people to think, feel, and believe like me. All I want is for people to be kind. 

Breathe in, 2,3,4. Breathe out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. And repeat. 

Be kind to one another. 

Yesterday, I almost hit a car that unexpectedly went around me as I pulled out of the drive-through at Culver’s. I didn’t see him coming. It was close, but I stopped in plenty of time for him to get by without issue. I waved in apology, although he was as in the wrong as I was. He screeched to a halt and opened his door to get out of the car. He never got out, but his feet were on the ground, ready to pounce as he yelled, shook his fist, and called me, “Bro!” I waved and said, “Have a nice day.” He wanted me to engage and provoke him further, but I refused. I just waved again and said, “Have a nice day.” But my heart was pounding as I flashed back to my last day working at the hospital. My last call to the emergency room as a chaplain was in response to a shooting that happened in a parking lot. Two stranger almost collided in their cars at low speed when one pulled out in front of the other. One driver got out of his car angrily to yell at the other. He died from a gunshot wound about five minutes after he arrived at the hospital.

Breathe in, 2,3,4. Breathe out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. And repeat. 

I’m not saying my friend in the Culver’s drive-through was ready to do that kind of harm to me with my teenage son sitting in the passenger seat on a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon. But he sure had a significant response to a small thing. His anger and rage were so close to the surface that he lashed out in a way well beyond appropriate. Maybe that’s why my anxiety is so high. If a non-incident in a drive-through or department store parking lot can trigger that much rage, what will happen when something more significant happens?

Breathe in, 2,3,4. Breathe out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. And repeat.

Be kind.
Be kind to one another.
Whatever happens tomorrow (or whenever the results come), love one another.
Love one another well.