Figure It Out Kid!
“I learned something today, Dad.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that buddy?”
“I learned the starting pay where I want to work is only like $12-$13 an hour. That’s not very good, is it?”
“It would be hard to live on for sure. But I’m sure you’ll figure out a good path for yourself.”
“I know. I just really want to work there.”
“That’s great. I don’t know how it will all shake out. I just want you to explore. You’ll find your way. I love you kiddo.”
“Ok,” he sighed. “ I love you too.
My son is 16. He makes good grades, but school is not his thing. Right now he has no sight set on college or to learn a particular trade. He loves dogs. He loves dogs and wants to work with them. He volunteers most Saturdays at a local animal shelter, and his dream is to work there. That’s what he knows. That’s where he is on the path. But in one of his classes recently, he became aware of some of the challenges he may face. It might be hard to make a sustainable living as an hourly worker in an animal shelter.
So, I set him straight. I said, “See! You need to figure it out, kid! You need to go to college! You need to figure out how to make six figures! Get your crud together kid! You’re 16! It’s time to set aside your dreams and start thinking more practically.”
LOL. I said nothing of the sort.
It’s hard to be a parent. Sometimes I look at other kids and wonder if we’ve really messed things up. How does that kid have it all together? How do they have so much figured out? How do they know their career path already? What did their parents do that we didn’t? Should we push our kids more? Should we insist their dreams not be so dreamy and set them on a more predictable, well-defined, and stable path? Maybe.
Or maybe we will just keep walking alongside them. Maybe we will continue to trust they will find their way. Or maybe they will actually always be finding their way. That better describes my own experience. I’m 52 years old and still wandering. Every time I think I know the path, the path changes. Sometimes there is something that makes the way impassible, setting me off to forge a new path forward (or sideways, or backward, or across.) Life is unpredictable that way. I’m not against having a plan. I like plans. I like it when things are clear, practical, and simple. I like it when things make sense and come together with ease. But often, that’s not how my life has worked. While I make plans, I rarely get so deeply invested in them that I can’t change course when necessary or an interesting opportunity presents itself. More important to me than developing/executing plans for me, my kids, my work, etc., is remaining awake and present to that which ALWAYS sustains. No matter how my choices, successes, failures, mistakes, and triumphs lead me, one thing ALWAYS remains consistent.
LOVE.
Love is more than a guiding principle or foundation. LOVE is my identity. LOVE created me in its own image. LOVE is who I am. The same is true of my kids. The same is true of my wife. The same is true of EVERYONE.
Kiddo, you keep dreaming your dreams. Take a step down whatever path you want to explore and feel drawn to. It’s not going to be easy. Sometimes it will be really hard. Other times you will love it and feel fully alive! You are going to make mistakes. You are going to have successes. Just remember who you are. You are LOVE. You are LOVED. You are not alone. I trust that you will find your way.
“I was not sure where I was going and I could not see what I would do when I got there… yet a track led me across the waters to a place I had never dreamed of.” — Thomas Merton in The Seven Storey Mountain