Saying "never" to God's "always"

A Maundy Thursday Reflection

“YOU WILL NEVER WASH MY FEET!”

Peter said this. 
Peter!
The leader of the disciples.
The rock upon which Jesus built his church.

Jesus was in the middle of demonstrating to Peter and all the disciples what love looks like, and well-intentioned Peter said, no! 

I can understand why.

Like many of us, Peter was conditioned to believe that God’s primary attitude toward him was disapproval. 

His protest was faithful, albeit misguided.
By his own assessment, Peter was a terrible, rotten, old sinner.
Jesus was the son of God, the most high.
Peter, like John the Baptist, declared before him, thought, “I’m not even worthy to be his slave and untie the straps of his sandal.”
If anything, Peter should have been washing Jesus’ feet.
Right?

As the leader of the disciples, it was his duty to speak up and set an example.

I imagine Peter watching the others as Jesus knelt before them and wrung the dirty water from his cloth into a basin. 

“I’ll bet this is a test,” Peter thought as he sat up straighter in his chair.

“Jesus is just waiting for one of us to realize what’s going on and switch places with him. Jesus must want us to wash his feet as a sign of our commitment and worship! Let me show everyone how it’s done.” 

Jesus shuffled across the dirty floor toward Peter with his head bowed humbly.

“YOU WILL NEVER WASH my feet!”

His declaration started loud and strong, but his voice fell as Jesus looked up.

The look in his eyes.
It wasn’t anger or disgust.
It wasn’t wrath or rage. 
It was sadness. Yes, it was a deep sadness.

“Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.”

He didn’t yell.
No, it was more like a mournful whisper.
How had his dear friend missed it?
In all they had seen and done together, he missed it.  
Jesus didn’t look at Peter or anyone through a lens of qualification or disqualification. He didn’t look at them through a lens of approval or disapproval, anger or wrath. 

Jesus looked at Peter, the disciples, and all the rest through the only lens God has ever used.

LOVE.

Peter sometimes messed up.
Peter sometimes behaved like a wretch.
Peter sometimes got things wrong and hurt people.
But Jesus never identified Peter with those things. 

Jesus always saw Peter as the beloved child of God, made in God’s image that he was. And he LOVED Peter. 

He loved all the disciples, just as he loves me and everyone everywhere. 

This whole foot-washing thing wasn’t a test. It was a demonstration of what the love of God looks like. So, when Peter said, “YOU WILL NEVER WASH MY FEET!” It was the same as saying, “I have no interest in and will not participate in the way God loves me and all people.”

“Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.”

In other words, “OK. I’m not going to force you. But all we’ve seen and experienced together is rooted in this kind of love. So, if you miss this, you’ve missed the point entirely.”

Peter heard this. He felt it to his very core and said, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” 

He went all in. Another test he could pass with flying colors. Back to the head of the class! But the enthusiasm of his response only further conveyed his misunderstanding.  

Jesus, still free from anger and frustration, laughed and said to him, “One who has bathed does not need to wash, except for the feet, but is entirely clean. And you are clean.”

Jesus didn’t see Peter as dirty and rotten, covered in dirt and grime.
Jesus didn’t see Peter as vile, needing someone to powerwash the wretchedness from his being. 

No. Jesus saw Peter as Peter couldn’t yet see himself—clean, already bathed from head to toe in God’s love, forgiveness, and grace—and also as one who sometimes steps in the mess of sin. And that’s the thing about sin—when you step in it, it gets stuck in those out-of-reach places we can’t get to on our own. So, Jesus got down on the floor with a towel and a basin full of water to demonstrate that God’s love, forgiveness, and grace wipe away even the toughest stains. In humility and love, Jesus does the ongoing work of keeping us spotless so we can live in the freedom of Christ and not have to worry about fixing ourselves to become loveable. We are already loved fully. Completely. Without end.

Peter and the rest of the disciples sat in stunned silence. 

Could it be true?

Is the love of God even bigger than they imagined?
What other ways had they said “never” to God’s “always?”
How had they said, “No way!” to God’s “Yes?”
Who had they decided was unloveable that God calls beloved?
Who had they written off whose name God wrote in the Book of Life?

Jesus recognized their questions and confusion and summed it all up with this.

I give you a new commandment that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.

That’s how everyone who falls into the snares and lies of sin, guilt, and shame will learn otherwise. 

That’s how everyone who steps in it the way I keep stepping in it, even though I am already totally clean, will be reached in their impossible-to-reach places. 

LOVE.

Not love with conditions and limits.
Love the way Jesus loved Peter and the rest of the disciples. 

Humble.

Sacrificial.

Real love.

And the first place everyone will notice it is in how we love each other.

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

That’s how everyone will know.

Do I believe it?
I do.

May this become my proclamation.
May I love as I am loved.