What are the depths from which I cry?

Psalm 130:1-2
Out of the depths I cry, to your Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy.

What are the depths from which I cry?

It’s hard for me to name these depths while I am in them. Maybe that’s part of my struggle. I usually know how I feel, but I’m not always fully aware of why. I find myself up to my neck in whatever I’m struggling with. I wrestle and fight, but I can't see clearly what I'm wrestling. So the struggle remains.

As I cry out, maybe right now it’s less about naming the specifics and more about sustaining confidence that I am not alone. My cries for mercy aren’t rooted in self-loathing or religious shame. My cries for mercy are for relief when the weight is too much.

I am a highly intuitive and empathetic person. I feel the weight of other people’s pain and anxiety when I walk into a room. At my best, I can observe and empathize and provide care, while remaining separate from their pain. But I'm not always at my best. Sometimes their pain collides with my own. My soul becomes like a wilderness. Scars, both old and new become entangled. I can't tell where one ends and the next one begins.

So, with the psalmist, I cry out to you I Lord.

Hear my voice.
Hear my pleas for mercy.
Reside with me in the wilderness of my soul today and remind me of your love.