Why Is It So Hard To Be Loved?
I sat alone in my corner of the couch, coffee in hand, as I closed my eyes and let the music wash over me. The many voices sang as one, creating a peaceful harmony reverberating through every bone in my body. They sang, “Gott ist nur Liebe—God is nothing but Love.”
As I listened, I squirmed uncomfortably. "God is nothing but Love." It’s such a simple statement, yet so profound and challenging. So much of the Christian tradition teaches a version of a God with unyielding rules and expectations for anyone who follows. God is called loving but depicted in carefully shrouded judgment and wrath.
But this simple song suggests something different. It sings of love as the core of God’s identity, not judgment or punishment. So, why did it make me so uncomfortable? Why did it make me squirm as they sang? This is the God I believe in. This is the God I try to proclaim through my life and work. I wasn’t uncomfortable because I disagreed with the message of the song; it was because it challenged me to truly embrace it.
For me, it’s easier to say I believe in a loving God and preach about God’s unconditional love for all people than it is to accept it for myself. Why is it so hard to be loved? It's hard to believe. I want to believe, but I know the parts of me that seem so unloveable. Why is it so hard to believe I am loved? Why is it so hard to believe I am loved completely? Why is it so hard to be loved?
Maybe that’s why I’m not meant to navigate life and faith alone. I need people to help me remember who I am—who I have always been. I am a child of God, created in love, by love, in the image of the one who IS love.
The song continues,
“Gott ist nur Liebe.
Wagt, fur die Liebe alles zu geben.
Gebt euch ohne Furcht.
God is nothing but love.
Dare to give all for love.
Give yourselves without fear.”
That’s what I want.
I want to, without fear, give everything I have and everything I am for Love.
Maybe one day, it will stop being so hard to be loved.
I think our wounds prevent us from fully embracing God's love, Brian. It's painful to touch perfect, pure love when we know we are broken and flawed. It's a process of becoming by way of unraveling, in my experience.
In my short tenure providing pastoral care it has become painfully obvious to me that this is our greatest difficulty as humans. I remember falling love in my 20’s and feeling keenly how it felt like burning in fire to be seen so clearly. This is scary, love will burn the parts of us that we may not be ready to let go. But fire will make us truly alive. Love is not a small thing…. Someday we will understand! Hope all is well!