I want to know God and be known.

This theme… this need for intimate knowing and being known by the creator has long been at the forefront of my desire. I’ve become fascinated by, and tried so many things; Different disciplines and practices that promise to foster intimacy, but everything I’ve tried eventually ended up being less than what I truly long for.

I want to know God and be known.

But I’ve never been able to worship or study or disciple or serve my way into the intimacy I sense is possible. None of these practices or disciplines are inherently wrong or bad… but maybe my practice of them has been misdirected. They have all been MY effort to move closer in proximity to the Divine. They have been ME seeking a deeper experience with God in my own strength.

What if knowing God will never come through my own effort or practice? What if knowing God is more tied to allowing myself to be known than to any practice or discipline?

I am made in the image of God. Maybe then, the heart of my struggle is remaining awake to and aware of that image within me. I am so easily blinded to this divine image in me by shame and self-doubt… by my failures and shortcomings. I am tricked into thinking these things are what define me… that they are who I am. My mistakes hold consequences. My failures and shortcomings are sometimes a hindrance to myself and others.

THEY ARE NOT WHO I AM!

I will know God only as much as I allow myself… my true self to be known by God.

I’m going to think about this and wrestle with it for a while.

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Working it out as I go

1 Corinthians 13:12