“I’ve walked into rooms much scarier than this,” I thought to myself, recalling the many difficult (sometimes darn near impossible) situations I stepped into willingly when I worked in the hospital.
I just wanted to tell you that I feel much of the same way you describe here. I am ashamed sometimes, feel guilty and deeply saddened, at my association with organized religion, specifically Catholicism.
But I still love many aspects of it. I still believe.
Here's where you hit me on the heart with a dagger:
"Sometimes, it is just guilt by association. I’m lumped in with priests, pastors, and other Christians who have harmed marginalized and vulnerable people… sometimes “in the name of God.” It’s not fair, but that’s how it is. It makes me sad, but the harm done by some with whom I supposedly share a faith is real. I can understand why my title and position, and even my faith, is reason enough for some people to always remain at what they feel is a safe distance. I love Jesus, but religion frustrates and often saddens me. Weird for a pastor, I know. Or maybe that makes me normal, and I'm growing more comfortable admitting my discomfort."
And it's not weird for a pastor. In fact, I believe it's necessary if we are ever going to heal the church and the world. You are doing that!
Your song hits on so many things people want to say but feel they can't. There's so much shame with religious trauma. But you're doing the work, Brian, of connecting with the people who have been hurt by the church and with the good things about Christianity.
Thank you for this. I'm sharing it.
While you may think you aren't influencing many people (and I share in that struggle, too), all it takes is a seed. One seed.
Thank you Jeanie. I really want to be part of the healing… and I’m learning more and more how I can be. Writing has been an interesting and challenging pursuit recently. As I imagine you can well understand, sometimes it feels like just sending words out into an echo chamber. I can get too focused on analytics as a measuring stick. But when I pull back from that I see more clearly. I’m not writing for likes and clicks. I have a small base of people who trust me to put words to things, and I’m so grateful to be able to accompany them in this way. Thank you for your encouragement. We should grab coffee sometime. I’d love to learn more about your work and get to know you better.
Wow I am so glad you got out of your car that nite. I am also glad you shared it here too. So brave. I could never share at a song share—-so vulnerable. And then to share this song?? I am so grateful for the inner voice that you listened to. Your song is so true. I feel many of the same apologies and also love the church and all its imperfect people (including myself).
Me too. It ended up being so life giving. I wish my brain wouldn’t get in the way sometimes, but it does… and I’m learning. The church is a beautiful, messy, and sometimes terrible thing… but I love it all the same. Thanks for being you and for the many ways you bring light to the darkness!
Brian, this reflection is so good. So so good.
I just wanted to tell you that I feel much of the same way you describe here. I am ashamed sometimes, feel guilty and deeply saddened, at my association with organized religion, specifically Catholicism.
But I still love many aspects of it. I still believe.
Here's where you hit me on the heart with a dagger:
"Sometimes, it is just guilt by association. I’m lumped in with priests, pastors, and other Christians who have harmed marginalized and vulnerable people… sometimes “in the name of God.” It’s not fair, but that’s how it is. It makes me sad, but the harm done by some with whom I supposedly share a faith is real. I can understand why my title and position, and even my faith, is reason enough for some people to always remain at what they feel is a safe distance. I love Jesus, but religion frustrates and often saddens me. Weird for a pastor, I know. Or maybe that makes me normal, and I'm growing more comfortable admitting my discomfort."
And it's not weird for a pastor. In fact, I believe it's necessary if we are ever going to heal the church and the world. You are doing that!
Your song hits on so many things people want to say but feel they can't. There's so much shame with religious trauma. But you're doing the work, Brian, of connecting with the people who have been hurt by the church and with the good things about Christianity.
Thank you for this. I'm sharing it.
While you may think you aren't influencing many people (and I share in that struggle, too), all it takes is a seed. One seed.
Thank you Jeanie. I really want to be part of the healing… and I’m learning more and more how I can be. Writing has been an interesting and challenging pursuit recently. As I imagine you can well understand, sometimes it feels like just sending words out into an echo chamber. I can get too focused on analytics as a measuring stick. But when I pull back from that I see more clearly. I’m not writing for likes and clicks. I have a small base of people who trust me to put words to things, and I’m so grateful to be able to accompany them in this way. Thank you for your encouragement. We should grab coffee sometime. I’d love to learn more about your work and get to know you better.
Wow I am so glad you got out of your car that nite. I am also glad you shared it here too. So brave. I could never share at a song share—-so vulnerable. And then to share this song?? I am so grateful for the inner voice that you listened to. Your song is so true. I feel many of the same apologies and also love the church and all its imperfect people (including myself).
Me too. It ended up being so life giving. I wish my brain wouldn’t get in the way sometimes, but it does… and I’m learning. The church is a beautiful, messy, and sometimes terrible thing… but I love it all the same. Thanks for being you and for the many ways you bring light to the darkness!