Am I open to wholeness? I can talk a big game, but sometimes I wonder if I’m more interested in the idea of wholeness than I am in actually being whole. Or maybe it’s less about my interest level — I’m interested in a LOT of things — and more about my willingness to embrace what it might involve to be made whole. There is a death I need to die (or many), lest everything will remain the same. I live in the tension of longing to live more fully… to embrace the gift of knowing and being known.. of loving and being loved well… and the safety, comfort, and familiarity of the way things are. The way things are is safe… or at least it’s familiar. It’s familiar and I know how to navigate it enough that it feels safe. But is it? As long as I don’t let anyone much beneath the surface my shortcomings will remain less obvious. As long as I keep people at arms length it’s harder to be hurt again… and I’ve been hurt plenty. So I live in the tension. I’m not alone, but I am often lonely. Loneliness is a symptom of not feeling seen or known. But it’s hard to be seen or known when I’ve built a fortress around the parts of me that remain hidden and secret.
Am I Open to Wholeness?
Am I Open to Wholeness?
Am I Open to Wholeness?
Am I open to wholeness? I can talk a big game, but sometimes I wonder if I’m more interested in the idea of wholeness than I am in actually being whole. Or maybe it’s less about my interest level — I’m interested in a LOT of things — and more about my willingness to embrace what it might involve to be made whole. There is a death I need to die (or many), lest everything will remain the same. I live in the tension of longing to live more fully… to embrace the gift of knowing and being known.. of loving and being loved well… and the safety, comfort, and familiarity of the way things are. The way things are is safe… or at least it’s familiar. It’s familiar and I know how to navigate it enough that it feels safe. But is it? As long as I don’t let anyone much beneath the surface my shortcomings will remain less obvious. As long as I keep people at arms length it’s harder to be hurt again… and I’ve been hurt plenty. So I live in the tension. I’m not alone, but I am often lonely. Loneliness is a symptom of not feeling seen or known. But it’s hard to be seen or known when I’ve built a fortress around the parts of me that remain hidden and secret.